As the late, great Lorenzo Anello once said: “The saddest thing in life is wasted talent.” Thus is the case with one of my favorite local breweries, Bird’s Beak Brewing. At least, they used to be my favorite. Not sure I can continue supporting them once I found out this devastating news.

You see, when Bird’s Beak opened a couple years ago, they marketed themselves as a “lager only” establishment. Sure, IPA’s are “well and fun” according to them, but their focus was going to be making sure world class crispy bois were available on taps and in cans at any and all local establishments. So far, so good.

Only, not so good. It turns out that the head brewer and co-owner of BBB used to work at Abel Beer Co. a few miles away before starting his own dream (while simultaneously killing mine). I’m sure you see where this is going. Abel has some of the best hops around, and they got that way during his tenure there. You can imagine my utter heartbreak. You think you know a guy.

You mean to tell me you’re capable of making these absolutely killer pale ales, session ales, IPAs, imperial IPAs, double IPAs, triple IPAs, sour IPAs, brett IPAs, cold IPAs, hazy, milkshake, New England IPAs, west coast IPAs, “Austin style” (whatever the fuck that means) IPAs, black IPAs, red IPAs, double-dry-hopped IPAs, triple-dry-hopped IPAs, belgian IPAs, rye IPAs, fruited IPAs, brut IPAs, and single hop IPAs, and you decided you’re going to stick solely to lagers? In this economy?

It’s not that they can’t brew ales. They won’t. Refuse. Like a toddler with a plate of broccoli in front of them. It’s not the business strategy that I have a problem with, it’s the stubbornness. You’re not thinking of the customer. I’ve heard of cutting off your nose to spite your face, but this borderline disrespectful if you ask me!

My palate has been so decimated by years of juice bombs, smoothie sours, and motor oil-like pastry stouts that your lagers aren’t registering. Sure it’s fun to have a nice light-drinker here and there to get the gears turning, but eventually I need to move on to something with some pulp. Adding a lime to (an admittedly) crisp Mexican lager just isn’t going to cut it.

And don’t get me started on my tolerance. How many cans of pilsner do I have to drink to get buzzed up? I’m supposed to just sit here all day drinking .5 liters of your Oktoberfest, spend $50 (not including tip) and not even make a dent? You think I’m going to miss my kids little league game for that? Fuck outta here. I’m a red-blooded American and I drink beer to get drunk, like God intended, thank you very much.

I’m just not sure I can look at them the same. I mean, yes, the lagers are world class; I guess I just don’t see the appeal of being great at something when you can just do exactly what everyone else is doing. Call me old fashioned, but if you don’t swallow your pride and give the people what they want, what’s next? Having principals? Standing for something? No thanks.