This article is part of our partnership series leading up to Atlantic City Beer Festival.

It’s about time! After four years of being outside, AC Beer Fest has finally moved back indoors where it belongs. Hail Satan! This has been a long time coming. I get it that Covid made the organizers have to pivot a little bit, but enough was enough. Craft beer is meant to be drank indoors. Preferably in a cold, dark room. One. Big. Dark. Room. 

You can’t call yourself a true beer enthusiast if you like the sun. Ultraviolet rays are the mortal enemy of beer AND goths. When you think about it, goths are the only real ally to beer there are. Bouncing Souls said that punkers should be pale and pasty… well guess what, so should craft beer drinkers. 

I see these tan, glowing people drinking pilsners in the sun and it makes me want to strangle myself with my choker. Give me a stout that’s as dark as my soul in a basement. I even use an all black glass like my fellow goths on Steal This Beer to protect my little barrel blood from the light of death.

A note to the organizers though… maybe we can tone the lights down a little bit? No need to illuminate the whole experience here. This fest should resemble a dimly lit cellar in a Transylvanian castle, not Ikea during Spring cleaning. A lava lamp on every brewery’s table should suffice. 

And can we do something about the bands playing? I mean Saves the Day is emo enough I guess, but Hot Mulligan? Goldfinger? You expect me to drown my sorrows with horns on stage? Keep the ska outdoors before I slit my wrists again. Give the people what they want and book AFI. You owe us that at the very least.

Also… can we get a projector just playing The Crow on a loop?

FanDuel presents The Atlantic City Beer & Music Festival, on April 12th & 13th at the Atlantic City Convention Center. 100+ breweries, 50+ vendors, local food, and tunes by Hot Mulligan, Saves the Day, & Goldfinger! Must be 21+ to attend. Please know your limits & taste responsibly.