SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Anchor Brewing Company has announced that, due to “tough economic realities,” Christmas is officially canceled this year, humbug sources confirmed. The brewery will cease any and all distribution of holiday cheer, effective at the conclusion of Christmas in July on  7/31/2023. 

“The time has come, unfortunately,” said Anchor PR rep Ebenezer Scrooge. “Our Christmas beer represents the worst of holiday time: reckless spending, celebrating tradition, and worst of all, sharing bottles with family and friends. The costly brewing and packaging requirements are just not sustainable. New Years is also canceled; from now on every year will be 2023.”

The move has been applauded by some, including a suburban Whoville resident who requested to remain anonymous.

“Good riddance to bad rubbish!” said the green, furry, Pot-bellied critic. “All those beers do is perpetuate a culture of yuletide. The beer isn’t even that good, and the magnums sit on shelves for months if not years. You wanna talk about nasty-wasty skunk?! I wouldn’t touch those beers with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot-pole!”

Chris Cringle, a superfan of the annual Christmas beer, who has a vertical dating back to the initial release in 1975, is disappointed the Sapporo-owned company has discontinued his favorite brand.

“Ho ho ho! I think that the team at Anchor just lost their Christmas Spirit, is all!” said Cringle jollily via satellite. “Who could hate on such a wonderful time of year? What do you think, boys and girls; should we go caroling and sing Christmas songs outside of the brewery? Surely seeing all of you kids so enthusiastic about their beer will make them change their mind and keep them off the naughty list!”

Scrooge, however, makes no apologies for putting the wants of his shareholders first.

“How the hell am I supposed to pay shipping costs with ‘Christmas Spirit’? Tell that fat bastard maybe he should skip the next bottle share and work more than one day a year. I have a business to run.”