This article is part of our partnership series leading up to Atlantic City Beer Festival.

ATLANTIC CITY, NJ – Local oaf Geoff Bilson had a rough day one at AC Beer Fest when he drunkenly lost his keys and phone during the first session, devastated sources confirmed. He continued the day blacked out at his hotel casino, where he gambled away his house at a poker table.

“I told him to leave his keys in the room because he won’t need them for anything,” said Bilson’s friend Ang Ramirez. “…but he was adamant about showing off his ‘Beers n Boobs’ bottle opener to whoever might ask. No idea where those went. He didn’t actually lose his phone, per se, it just ended up in the bottom of one of the brewery’s pour buckets to empty your glass. After the fest, we told him to go back to his room, and he went off on his own. We found out he ended up at a Texas Hold ‘Em table. Who carries the deed to their house around with them?”

Bilson had another take on the events of the day.

“BEST DAY EVERRR!!!” exclaimed Bilson, slurredly. “Fuckin AC BEER FEST RUUUULESSSS! Who needs a phone anyways? We are going back to prehistoric times boys! Fuck a house, gonna raise my kids in a cave like our ancestors did. Live off the land. I can do it. My wife believes in me.”

Bilson’s wife, Allison Bilson, did not seem very excited by the prospect of .

“I can’t believe him,” Mrs. Bilson said, packing up her personal items. “I told him to get his gambling under control or I’d leave his ass. He thinks because he won one big hand one time that he’s a poker expert. He went to Vegas last year for the World Series of Poker and they wouldn’t even let him in the building. I’m going to my mother’s house. She has a divorce lawyer on standby.”

At press time, Bilson was heard screaming into his friend’s phone, defending his stance.

“IT’S CALLED BLUFFING, ALLISON! I CAN’T FOLD ON 3-8 OFFSUIT OR HE WILL KNOW I HAD NOTHING. You never understood me.”

FanDuel presents
The Atlantic City Beer & Music Festival
April 12 & 13 at the Atlantic City Convention Center
100+ breweries, 50+ vendors, local food
Music by Hot Mulligan, Saves the Day, & Goldfinger!
Must be 21+ to attend.
Please know your limits & taste responsibly. 
Use this link for 15% off tickets!