NEW YORK, NY – An opinion piece from the totally in-touch publication The Wall Street Journal has suggested that people who are struggling financially save money by skipping out on buying breakfast stouts. Due to the rising price of ingredients, the author wonders whether the fan-favorite style is an essential part of your beer drinking experience.

“Cinnamon prices have risen 8.5% in year-over-year cost,” said Gabriel T. Rubin while gleefully scrolling through all the engagement on WSJ’s Twitter feed. “Don’t even get me started on vanilla beans and lactose. Sure, coffee prices have seen only a minimal increase, but when you add it all together, it just makes you wonder if it’s worth it anymore to be drinking breakfast stouts in any capacity. I’m advising all my friends and family to skip this meal in a bottle altogether.”

Craft beer enthusiast and diabetic Chester Gleck laments Rubin’s clickbait as fear-mongering, and a sign of the times.

“Imagine telling red-blooded Americans to skip an entire meal altogether,” Gleck exclaimed while stroking his neckbeard. “You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning, and you can’t start in the morning without breakfast stouts. What does that conservative rag know about whales anyway? Breakfast is the most important beer of the day, so they can suck my dick from the back.”

Taylor Prescott, head brewer at porter pioneer Bottle Reason Brewing, wishes articles like this didn’t try to bankrupt him so brazenly.

“Way to spit in the face of small business, Wall Street Journal,” Prescott deadpanned, almost defeatedly. “Breakfast stouts are our bread and butter. I just can’t imagine a national media outlet just openly declaring war on a style like that. I guess they know their audience, though. I’m sure Other Half IPAs are surging among the finance bros. Anything for pageviews, right?”

We contacted Wall Street Journal for a comment for this story, but they only replied with “Listen, all we did was tell people looking to save money to cut back on expensive bottles of sugar water. It’s not like we told them to end their barleywines altogether.”