Everyone knows living Delaware legend Sam Calagione. As the founder of one of the most important breweries of all time, Dogfish Head, Sam invented craft beer in 1994 when he put pumpkins in a brown ale. So on top of being responsible for the beer industry boom over the last 30 years, he’s also to blame for unleashing basic bitches on the world. Thanks a lot, Hephaestus.

Sam, who is not really known for media appearances, was gracious enough to sit down and answer some off-centered questions, and more importantly, apologize to us for the agony he has caused by making beer that tastes better than the beer we got used to drinking in college and creating a hobby that has left us broke and alone.

Drain Pour: Sam, thanks so much for taking the time. We know you must be busy between running the brewery, writing books, TV interviews, podcasts, online shows, beer fests, and I guess parenting?

Sam Calagione: Not a problem. Who are you guys again? Is this the Reinheitsgebot purity lobby?

DP: Actually we are a very trusted and reputable news source. But enough about us… you invented craft beer in an apartment in New York City. Was that so you would be able to pay rent?

SC: I would say Punkin Chuckin would probably be closer to the start of Dogfish Head than when I lived in New York. 

DP: I’m glad you brought that up. Speaking of pumpkins, what do you say to the people who say that you are the original “basic bitch”?

SC: No one has said that to me. Who has said that? Someone here? Did you say that?

DP: We’ll ask the questions, thanks. Now, when are you going to acknowledge that you opened Pandora’s box and it can’t be closed? Sure, pumpkin and brown sugar seem harmless enough. But now we’ve got breweries making beer with cream cheese. I saw one with Buffalo wing sauce too.

SC: You want me to atone for pushing the boundaries of brewing? I can’t control what other breweries make. I’m always up for experimenting in this craft. 

DP: Listen, you owe the world an apology. You’ve created a monster. Actually, no… YOU are the monster. Dr. Frankenstein was the real monster, not his creation.

SC: That wasn’t a question. Are we just about done here?

DP: Leaving so soon? You said you had 60 minutes!

SC: That’s not what I meant. Did you do any research at all?

DP: Fine. Will you at least say sorry to me personally? Craft beer has ruined my life. I went broke buying beer and my wife took the kids. I sleep in my buddy’s basement next to where he keeps his cellar bottles but I’m not allowed to open any of them. This is all your fault.

SC: Whoa, okay. I’m sorry you’re going through that. You’re right… I never should have made Chicha.